Last Weeks Weight: 160
Current Weight: 161.6
Total Weight loss: 4.4lbs- +1.6 from last week
This has been a very difficult week for me. I did complete Week 6 Day 1 & 2 of C25K. I think I did pretty well. Day 1 was HORRIBLE, but I made it through! Day 2 was much better. I plan to complete week 6 tomorrow with a 22 minute jog without walking. I am really looking forward to just going out on the trail and jogging. I really need to put on my big girl panties and get out of this funk I am in.
My funk: So, IUI#4 was a fail. Not only did AF come, but she came 3 days early. I haven't dealt with this failed cycle very well. I feel like a failure, I feel angry, I feel like this will never happen, I feel like I am being punished, and mostly I feel really really sad.
How long can I deal with failed cycles? How much is too much money to poor into something that may or may not work? When do I "give up"?
I have already payed for a package of 3 IUIs, so I have two IUI's remaining in the package. So it is not even a questions that we will complete these two IUIs and pray that one of them takes.
I got my plan for IUI#5 on Friday. I will be taking Femara 10mg Cycle day 3-7. The last two cycles I took the Femara cycle day 3-8, so this is a change. I had a very very large follicle last cycle (28mm), so I think that may be why he cut it a day short. I will be going in for my ultra sound on Cycle day 8 to check my response to the meds and hopefully I will have 2 mature follies in there. In the past I have gone in for my ultrasound on cycle day 10, but I think since my follicle was so big last cycle and since I only had one, he wants me to go in earlier in order to hopefully catch more follicles and check them before they get "too big". That is my assumption anyways!
Hubby and I also made a very big decision. If we get to IUI#6 (the last one in the 3 IUI package) and it is not successful, then we will do a treatment break. We will take a break from IF meds and treatments so that we can get our finances in order. We will buckle down and create a comfortable savings and then start to save money for either additional IF treatment, or adoption. So basically, time is running out for me. I have no clue how long it will take us to save up the amount of money we need to. There is pretty much no chance I would be able to have an inkling of a chance of getting pregnant with out meds because I do not ovulate. So basically, if it takes months/years to save up...that is how long our trying to conceive journey is on hold. Gah!! IF Sucks!!
My Plan:
- I will try to focus on one cycle at a time. I will put all of my energy thoughts into IUI#5.
- I will track my food. I, again, failed to track my food on WW..hence the weight gain.
- I will not eat my emotions. I ate a Hot Fudge Browni Sundae for dinner the night my period started....those emotions were DELISH though!!
- I will try to stop being so angry
Oh honey. This was me a few days ago. We're in the exact same boat. I was so angry for several days. I couldn't stand the sight of a baby, pregnant woman, a young mother. You name it, I was mad at it. A few days later it has started to ease off but I won't say that it's completely gone. Please take some time for yourself and give time to grieve over this cycle. It took me several days before I finally had a good cry. I was crying at little things but nothing that was a good cleansing cry.
ReplyDeleteIf you need to talk, you know where to find me. Huge hugs!!!
I saw a new True Life episode this weekend about two couples who were trying to conceive and going through the same things you have been. I cried throughout the entire episode thinking of you. It's one thing to read and hear about it, but it's another thing to actually "be" in the room with a couple after they find out they aren't pregnant after all the money and effort they have put into it. I am a believer that all things work out exactly how they are supposed to in the grand scheme of the universe, and you will get the family you want one way or the other. Please don't let this get you down for too long. While I am not in the same situation as you, I do know what it feels like to have that hopeless pit in your stomach. But the good news is you have so many people who love and support you and who will stand by your side no matter what and everything will work out.
ReplyDeleteThank you guys so much, your support and comments mean the world to me!!
ReplyDeleteHugs to you, friend. I wish there was a crystal ball we could all gaze into so we could see how this is going to play out. I really believe at the end of this, you will be so happy. This journey sucks in a lot of ways, but we are so much stronger because of it. Hang in there, Say!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm late to the game here but just wanted to offer a virtual hug. I'm sorry about #4. I am wishing and hoping and praying for you for #5. ((hugs))
ReplyDelete