Just Keep Swimming

 

In my case, "Just keep Running".

Watching the New York City Marathon yesterday online was so inspiring!! Thousands of people, with so many inspiring stories, getting out there and running their hearts out. Many of them had never run before, but set a goal and succeeded! Now, my goal isn't necessarily to run a marathon, but I think I may want to stretch farther than a 10k. I was joking around with hubby and mentioned the Disney World half-marathon...that would be fun! Now, they do a 10k also, but that would be a reeeeally expensive 10k. Plus, I want to put one of those stickers on my car "13.1".

I went out for my run this morning with new energy and determination. I started back with the 5k-10k program. I had taken a break from the program because my distance had dwindled since taking a break from running period for the majority of October. I started Week 2 day 1 of the 5k-10k program and really impressed myself! The object was to do a steady run for 20 minutes. I assumed the 20 minutes was supposed to be the distance of 2 miles. I never reach the distance expected when the time runs out because I run so slow. Today was a different story! I ran 2.06 miles in 20 minutes! I assume that means I averaged at about a 10min/mile pace although my app tells me something different...so that confuses me. Oh well!!

 

I also contacted my dad about a father/daughter trip we have talked about for a couple years now. We just so happened to start talking about it when hubby and I first started trying to start a family. I kept putting off planning because I was worried I would be pregnant during the trip time so I couldn't do much (HAHA!!!). But, since I am on a treatment break for God knows how long, I know for almost certainty that I will not be pregnant during the first 6 or 8 months of 2014. So, I think this is our ideal window of opportunity to plan this thing! We had discussed going to Mammoth Cave National Park in Kentucky. We would probably camp, do some cave hikes/tours, regular hikes, etc. It should be a really awesome experience. Plus, I have never been to Mammoth Cave National Park and I have a goal of going to all the national parks. Not just step my foot in there...but actually experience the park, do hikes, camp, etc. I have such wonderful memories of going to Big Bend National Park with my family.

 

On other news, I registered for my Spring Semester of NP school today!! This first semester has really flown by and I am really getting stressed out about it! So much to do!! So little time!!

 

 

10 Words

This was posted on TB and I Dream of Baby FB group and I thought it was really poignant. It makes it even more amazing that it was written by a man.

Ten Words that Describe Infertility
http://www.stevewiens.com/2013/03/26/ten-words-that-describe-infertility/

Here are ten words I would use to describe how infertility feels:

1. Lonely.-- We saw couple after couple get pregnant before us, our best friends included. When they told us, we high-fived them, then we went home, and hardly knew what to say to each other. We felt lost, sad, and even lonelier than before. We were excited for them; we were just very sad for us.

It’s okay to go home and cry your eyes out when your friends get pregnant.

2. Exposed.-- Everybody wants to give you advice, and some people say incredibly stupid things. My favorite: “You just need to stop trying so hard!” Some people want to know every excruciating detail of what you’re doing to get pregnant. Suddenly, your most private details are the subject of casual conversation. Once people know you’re trying, people want to know how it’s going, if you’ve done artificial insemination, if you’d consider IVF, and how it felt in that small white room with the gross leather chair & the bad magazines.

It’s okay to avoid the question, smile, and change the subject. Keep as many things private as you can (except to a few trusted friends).

3. On Hold.-- We were always checking the calendar, wondering if we should plan that vacation, or that work trip, because what if we’re pregnant? Then we stopped doing that, because we would have never lived if we would have scheduled everything around a “what if.”

It’s okay to miss a month or two; you have to live your life. This is hard, but over the long haul, it will create more stress if you feel so trapped that you can’t plan anything. We even found that it’s good to take a month off now and then.

4. Invaded.-- For women, there are so many things entering your body (probes, needles, drugs) and so many people measuring your progress. Even sex, at the mercy of a calendar or a temperature reading, can feel invasive. The loss of control can almost merge into a loss of self.  But, it feels like once you’ve started down this road, there’s no stopping until you get pregnant.

It’s okay to say what you need, and it’s okay to shore up your boundaries in whatever ways you can.

5. Awkward.-- During one of the first visits where I was given the small cup and ceremoniously ushered into the small room, I actually ran into some people from my church afterwards. Of course they had their baby with them. I had a small cup that contained very personal contents with me. They asked, “What are you doing here?” I mean, what do you say?

It’s okay to laugh at yourself sometimes. And when someone catches you with your cup in your hand, that’s all you can do.

6. Angry.-- Unfair is the password that gets you into the infertility club. Mary tells a story of a friend asking her if she was angry with God. “No!” she blurted. “I’m angry at pregnant women!” She knew this was irrational, but she also knew that it was good for her soul to be honest in safe places. You actually may be angry with God, and you may need to find some safe places to be honest about that.

It’s okay to express the darkness, even the stuff you’re terribly embarrassed about, because it’s good for your soul. But in the right places, with people who can handle it.

7. Stressed.-- Even though it seems like a stressed out couple is less likely to get pregnant, The American Society for Reproductive Medicine finds that there is no proof stress causes infertility. Besides, trying hard to “not be so stressed about it” never worked for us. It also didn’t help to “just stop trying.” Everybody has a friend who was infertile for 73 years, and the day they stopped trying, they got pregnant. That never happened with us.

It’s okay to be stressed. Don’t stress about your stress. Trying hard not to be stressed is silly.

8. Despair.-- The cycle of hope and despair with infertility can take you out. I remember getting so excited when Mary was 2 days late, and just knowing that this time, it’s going to happen! Then, a few days or hours later, when she told me she got “it,” I would plunge into despair. The alternative is to temper your hope so that your despair doesn’t get so low. After about a hundred months of experiencing this cycle, we found that the best route is to keep hoping, and if it doesn’t happen, keep crying. It’s too hard to pretend that you’re not excited and that you’re not depressed. Be excited. Be depressed.

It’s okay to hope, and it’s okay to cry. Keep hoping and keep crying.

9. Loss.-- This was not how it was supposed to be. This was not what you dreamed it would be. And you don’t know how it will end.

It’s okay if you don’t know how to wrap your mind around your emotions. Be gentle with yourself for not totally having control of how you feel from moment to moment.

10. Ambivalence--. Every time you have to go through another kind of treatment, you ask yourself: “Is it worth it? Do I really want it that bad?” And then in the very next breath, you are taken out by the sheer magnitude of how much you want a baby.

It’s okay to want and not want. That’s normal. 

If you’re struggling with infertility, it can be such a dark time. You have to be out loud with each other about what you need, and every journey will be different. You have to give yourselves permission to do this journey in whatever way makes the most sense for you.

My blessing for you as you struggle: May God give you what you need, when you need it, over and over and over again.
----------------------------------------------------------

As for me...I am feeling fairly optimistic today. I am 7 days after IUI#5. So, I am halfway through my 2ww. The first week has gone by fairly quickly and I expect the second half to go by just as quickly. I realize that me allowing myself to get optimistic puts my heart at risk if this cycle doesn't work. I am willing to risk that if that means putting less negative energy towards this cycle and more positive energy towards it. I am "visualizing success".

I am also very excited about this weekend!! I am meeting up with two ladies that have really helped me through tough days, they have helped me climb out of the dark hole that is infertility and failed cycle after cycle. I can't wait to meet them in person and give them real hugs!! We will be doing the Color Me Rad 5k race in TN. So exciting!! Hopefully fun pics to come! I leave Friday and come back Sunday.

Weekly Heath Check In

I'm late, I'm late! For a very important date!!

I forgot to do my weekly health check in yesterday.

Starting weight: 166lb
Last Week weight: 163.6
This week weight: 162.5

I weighed myself Sunday morning and I hadn't lost any weight, but then I went back "neked" and I was 162.5! I'll take it!
I really didn't eat well last week but I have done great on my C25K! I have completed week 4 and have started on week 5. I even did an extra run where I ran 2 miles without any walking whatsoever!! I then followed that up with a mile walk. Now it's time to chisel away at that 3rd mile! I can do it! I can do it!!

I think I see some difference in my body. I think my lower legs look more toned and my love handles aren't quite so prominent. Richard said he could see a difference as well, but he might have just been scared what would happen if he said he didn't see any change = ).

I will do week 5 on C25K, I plan to add some off-road trail runs! First one is tomorrow morning! I am pretty excited about it! I also really need to focus on eating healthier. I can't tell you how many times I went over my Weight Watchers Points!!

 I have booked my first race too!! I will be running in the Color Me Rad 5K in Johnson City, TN on Sept. 14 with some great friends I met on a IF support group!! I am so so excited to meet these wonderful ladies and represent IF...we are saying FU to IF!!

Our Attempt at Distraction

Well, I am 8dpIUI#3 and I am doing pretty well!!
Hubby and I went for a little camping adventure this weekend as an attempt to get away and distract ourselves from "the wait".
I have lived in MS for over 18 years and have never been to Natchez. This needed to change so we decided to go to Natchez State Park for a night to canoe, fish, camp, play disc golf, etc.
We left Saturday morning at about 7:00 to start the journey! We wanted our GPS to take us there via the Natchez Trace Parkway so we took a lot of fun back streets to get there. I just love going the "back way" to places! It took us about 2.5 hours to get there. The first thing we did was set up our tent (last time we went camping we tried to pitch our tent in the dark...epic fail!). We then went to take the canoe out and go fishing!
It probably wasn't the best idea to go out on the water in the middle of the day...on the second day of summer...in MS!!! It was so fricken hot!! I did catch one little brim but that was it. I was so proud of myself for catching a fish! I did unhook it and put it back in the water.
We stayed out in the water for about 3 hours, we canoed accross the large lake and into some side corners. It would have been PERFECT if it wasn't so hot!
When we got back to the tent, I immeditaly went and took a cold shower. It was HEAVENLY!!
Hubby then had the idea to go out to historic Natchez since it was only about 3:00pm and we didn't want to sit around the camp site all day.
We had a nice stroll around the city and did a walking tour of the city. It was nice seeing the "Mighty Mississippi River". I called to make reservations at Magnolia Grill, right on the water. Our table over-look the river and it was really nice. The food was amazing and I was a happy girl! We had fried dill pickles..how could I not be happy?!? 
After dinner we returned to the camp site. Hubby wanted to fish on the doc since it was dusk and I decided to hang out at the campsite and read. We had a wonderful battery powered fan that helped us survive the heat! We were the only tent campers there, every one else was in an RV. I enjoy tent camping. I grew up thinking of tent camping as "real camping" where RV "camping"...not so much. To each their own, right? We did have a blow up mattress and battery powered fans, so we were kind of "fancy camping" anyways.
I slept well, woke up early. I had the most realistic BFP dream I have ever had! I was so sad when I realized it wasn't real = (
We hit the road fairly early and headed to Lake Lincoln State Park in Wesson, MS so that we could do their disc golf course.
If we would have had a map of the disc golf course then it would have been an AMAZING course! It was really nice, in the woods, shaded the whole time. I am sure I will get horrible Poison Ivy though!! I tried to wash my legs and arms in the park restroom but they didn't have soap or paper towels in there...so water had to do!
We made it home in good time and spent some time with my parents when we dropped of their canoe to them that they let us borrow. We picked up some subs for lunch/dinner (we really didn't eat all day...woops!) and went home to take showers.
Our furr-babies were very happy to see us since they hadn't been fed since yesterday morning. It is good to be home!




C25k related update: I was going to my week 2 workout 1 this morning or this evening, but I am so tired from canoing, walking in Natchez, and hiking during frisbee golf. I will have to start week two on Wed.
I did lose 2lbs last week! WOOT!!

Has Time Stopped?

This post is really not about anything...I just wanted to let my reader/s know that I am still around.
Time seems to have completely stopped when it comes to this 2ww (two week wait)!!  Hubby and I can't believe how slow it is going and how far away June 3rd seems!

We have planned a fun little weekend getaway in a couple of weeks. We are going to go down to Natchez, MS and go camping and play Disc Golf. We hope to stop by some historic sites on the way, like Port Gibson. Hubby even mentioned going fishing while we are there!! I have lived in MS for 18+yrs and have never been to Natchez...this needs to be changed! We are only camping for one night and on the way back we will go by another state park and do their Disc Golf course as well. I am horrible at Disc golf but I find it to be so much fun!!

I feel like this cat...this 2ww is dragging! Get it? HA!

Ciao! Bonjour! Hello!

Well, I am back home from my 12 day wurlwind adventure! We had a wonderful time but it was very tireing, stressful at times and I was very ready to be back home. I missed my husband so much and my pets!! If you don't care to know what we did on our trip day by day, then I am warning you now = ) It may be long but I will definitly paraphrase and try to not be a bore!

Day 1-2
We had to be at the Jackson, MS airport at about 8:00 for our 11:00 flight...yes 3 hours early. We sat around for a very long time with our group. We had 8 students and 3 adults. I hadn't met any of them except for my sister-in-law, of course. Everyone seemed very nice and I was optomistic that this trip was going to go very well. Saying "goodbye" to my husband was tough but it had to happen. The flight from Jackson to Atlanta went smoothly and everyone was very excited to get on the next plane, which was to Rome!

We were ver excited once we got on the plane to Rome! The plan was to sleep on the plane since we would arrive to Rome at 7am and hit the ground running with our tour guide once we got there. After 3 movies, 1 attempt at watching a foreign film to induce somnolence, 3 attempts at listening to "sleep inducing" radio station, and later and no sleep... we arrived in Roma!! We met our tour guide Franchesca and hit the ground running! The two other schools had not made it to Rome yet so we got a private day in Rome to explore! It was wonderful!! We saw the Pantheon, Trevi Fountain and had galato! Can't get much better than that!

Trevi Fountain

me with 24+ hours of no sleep

We had a wonderful day in Rome and met up with the other two schools (from Houston and Pheonix) that evening at the aiport. We then went to the hotel for dinner. The next day we went to the Vatican!

Day 3- Vatican

We got up early and went for a day at Vatican City. We were there at an interesting time because there was no Pope (Because Pope Benadict resigned) and the city/country was getting ready for the conclave to elect another pope in the next couple of days. Because of the up coming conclave, we were not allowed to go to the Sistine Chapel = (. We did go through the Vatican Museum and went into St. Peter's Bacillica! It was absolutly beautiful and every piece of artwork was done in mosaic, not paint!

Vatican City

St. Peter's Bacillica

Swiss Guards

We spent all morning and mid afternoon at the Vatican, we bought some rosaries and got them blessed by the clergy at the Vatican. Then, a few of us went for a mid-afternoon trip to the Roman Catacombs. Miles and miles of catacombs stretch across the earth under Rome. It was really neat. We then went the St. Paul's Bacillica where we saw the mosaic portrais of all of the Pope's. A light is always shining on the current pope and once a new pope is elected then the light goes out. The light was shining on Pope Benadict even though he stepped down. We had a frustrating time here with the other members of the other schools. Even after spending all day at the Vatican, some students thought it would be funny to take time out of our tour guide's schedule to ask what the Pope actually did, if he can get married or have sex, etc. Even though the guide explained everything about the Pope earlier. They also asked questions like "Isn't Latin what Indians speak?" I had to pass that special one on to my hubby when I talk to him that night. We then spent an "evening in Rome". We had free time and the bus picked us back up at 10:30 from the Trevi Fountain. it was amazing to see the sights at night!

Day 4- Colosseum, Roman Forum and off to Florence

We got up early and went to the Colosseum! I was so amazing to see it after growing up seeing it only in post cards and pictures! It is so big!! And if I ever doubted that I was in Rome...well I believed it after seeing the Colosseum! Then we walked in the rain to the Roman Forum I can't really say what is in the forum because it was raining and we were all running around like we would melt. But, Hey! It was Rome rain! Then after lunch we got on the bus and drove to Florence, Italy!!



I asked Grace to take a picture of me infront of the Colosseum...infront of scafolding infront of the Colosseum haha!

Day 5- Rain in Florence!

We spent a long rainy day in Florence next. Florence was probably my favorite place, even though it was cold a rainy. I loved that it was a small tuscan city and had cobblestone everywhere. Plus we saw the hunk that is the statue of David!!! Can I saw hubba hubba?!? But searously...it was just amazing! There was a remake of David infront of a church in the middle of town and it just paled in comparison with the real/original one. I wish we could have taken pictures. At the train station this evening we found out the new pope had been elected! Pope Francis! Then we went on the night train to Paris!

Umbrella Tent!



Our group



Day 6-7 Paris

We made it into Paris the next afternoon where we went to the hotel to clean up. We had very little time to eat lunch before we were off to Paris city center, so we ate at McDonalds...I know, I know! We thought long and hard and it was McDonalds or nothing..I had never felt more American! I did get something that we don't have at our McDonalds though, so that made me feel a little better! We took the Paris subway (this is hard with 46 people who don't speak french) in to Paris to go to the Louvre! We only had 1 hour in the Louvre. Usualy people set aside like 3 days to see the Louvre...we had 1 hour. We did see the high lights like the Mona Lisa, Venus, Nike...It was probably good for me because I don't know much about art so it all looks good to me and I get overwhelmed. Once statue really struck me, I ended up getting a print of it--Cupid. That evening we had dinner and took the subway back to the Hotel. The next day we took a bus tour that made me car sick. It was a lot of "on the left, now on the right, no look on the left!!". Plus, they only gave us 15 minutes at the Eiffel Tower, which is rediculous! We finily said "well, they won't leave us" so we stayed there 30 minutes : ). After the tour we went to visit the Palace of Versailles. It was very nice but cold. It was cool to see the gardens convered in snow. Then we had dinner and went back to the hotel. Well, first we back to McDonals for free WiFi.





Cupid

Day 8-9 Normandy and Paris

The next day we got up real early and took a bus to Normandy to see the D-Day monuments and museum. It was amazing and overwhelming to actually be at a place where D-Day occured and so many people lost their lives. I learned all about WWII in school but to actually be on the soil that it occured...it was amazing. We went to the American Cemetary and then a museum. I started feeling quite sick when we got to Normandy, with a cold. My energy was very low and I hadn't slept well. I hated feeling so bad on this trip, but knowing that I couldn't just go a sleep for fear of missing something I may not ever get a chance to see again. After spending the night in Normandy, we went back to Paris for an evening so we could leave for London the next day. Once in Paris we had dinner and took a boat ride down the river to see the sights at night. The Eiffel Tower at night is AMAZING!! 





Day 10-12

The next day we took a train London! It was really neating taking a train through the Chunnel...starting in France and then coming out in England. The first day we dropped our stuff off at the Hotel and then took the subway to Picadilly Circus so we could eat lunch and go to the National Museum. It was raining and cold but we had a good time. We saw a lot of Van Gough and Monet paintings. It's pretty surreal to see all of those famous paintings in person. Our Mississippi group's tour director was an art teacher so I went around with him so he could help me appreciate the art a little more. It think it worked. We only had 1.5 hours in there so we had to be quick! Then we went to a pub and had fish and chips! It took everyone a while to get used to being able to understand those around us and realizing that they can understand what you are saying as well. Many of us had to start sensoring ourselves because people could now understand what we were saying. The next day we toured the Tour of London, took a walking tour of London and saw the musical Wicked! It was such a great musical!! The whole day and time we spent in London was great. It was my second time to be in London so I had seen some of the sights before, but it was great seeing it again! We left very early the next day for our plane ride home!!

good advice for the London subway



Over all I had a wonderful trip!! Going on a vacation in a tour group is definilty not my cup of tea but there is no way we could have seen everything we saw in a short ammount of time if we weren't in a tour. I would love to go back to these places one day. I can say this though...I am proud to be from the USA! We may not see it but we are SPOILED!!! Especially in our restaurants and hotels. Glad to be Home!!!

Addio! Au revoir! Cheerio!

Well, I am leaving tomorrow afternoon for a 12 day whirlwind trip to Europe!

 Like I mentioned in previous entry, I will be chaperoning my sister-In-Law and 7 other classmates. Thankfully there will be two other adults going as well. I am all packed up and ready, luggage weighs 46lbs so I'm good! I am definitely at the nervous/anxious stage. I am, of course, thinking of what all could go wrong and definitely focusing on that. I am also in disbelief that I will be in Rome on Sunday.

I am going to miss my husband SO MUCH! I don't think I have been away from in for more than a couple of days since we have been married. We had a wonderful day today before he went to work. We cuddled, shot the B.B. Gun and played with the dogs some...and cuddled with our cats some more. I love him so much!

I just wanted to goodbye post before I leave! See you in 12 days!

GOODBYE! ADDIO! AU REVOIR! CHEERIO!